why must i suffer? fine i made a mistake i get it now but why does this have to happen to me..to us. people are stupid all the time, we did the right thing and now we suffer. why? is my luck that bad? we learned, we know better now..its not fair its just not fair.

with life comes love and loss

With life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss with life comes love and loss.... and so it goes and so it goes... its knowing how to live with it that frees us from the cycle

outcast

god its been so long since I've been on here. i have so much to say but i don't know how. nothing has really changed and that's whats bothering me. its like no matter how hard i try I'm still alone...i have no one i mean of course i have my boyfriend and hes an amazing person he really is but there's somethings i cant tell him and hes the only one i talk to so i don't tell anyone anything and it just sticks with me and i cant get rid of it because i have no one to vent to. i honestly have only one friend i can trust and i don't even talk to her often and i feel so alone i feel like no one cares about me like I'm just trash that everyone set aside and moved on with their lives. that's why i hate facebook all the pictures of people together having fun i feel left out. this whole break if i wasn't with my boyfriend i was home alone. i mean common! that's retarded that i cant even get out of my own house! and some days i didn't even want to go out i just thought well no ones going to call me and if i call them they wont want to see me so why bother. i have become and outcast in my own life I'm just letting everything slip right by me and I'm doing nothing about it. i don't want to go home after school because going home means being alone. i like going to school it gives me a chance to talk to at least someone other then my mother. i stay after everyday. every single day even if i stay alone just because i don't want to go home. i have lost every friend it took so long to get and i don't think i can get them back even if i tried. i know people don't like me I'm not stupid. they can Deny it all they want i know its true. I'm not peoples favorite person and I'm sure there are people the cringe at the thought of talking to me. god every time i think about how i got here i want to cry because i realize this has been my whole life! i have been like this as long as i can remember and I'M SICK OF IT! I'm sick and tired of staying home and wishing and praying that i had friends! 9th grade was the only year i had true friends. a group of people that actually wanted to be with me but that fell apart... and so did my world. my whole life i have never cried so much. i never cried because i was alone i never cried over losing people but that seems to be all i do now. i don't know what to do with myself anymore. i have lost all trust in everyone. February is going to be big for me i mean really big and I'm scared! I'm terrified but i cant tell anyone because i know they'll tell someone else and then that person will tell someone and i don't want that to happen. i mean it might eventually but i want to prevent it as much as possible. only a few people know about it, my parents and 4 other people. that's it and there's only 1 person i can talk to about it and though i know they mean well but they don't know what to say so they just say alright and it doesn't help me but i guess its all my fault. i don't know maybe things will get better this year i mean it is a new start right? i can only hope for the best and brace for the worst.