faill

my whole world is crashing down around me while i desperately try to hold it all together i act like I'm fine i put on a smile and shut out the world out of my heart and i sink further and further into a black hole i don't think i can ever come back from the poem i guess you can call it i posted before was something i wrote this morning in my Spanish class and its everything that's been going on in my head for too long but yet i still have to hide everything i have to forget i make myself feel what I'm not actually feeling I'm killing myself from the inside out idk what to do anymore i justt...... fail

Let me be as i sit here and cry till my hearts stops

Hidden, deep where no one can find it, secret love...hate...lust....loss, secret. forgotten by all but one, the one that's hides it. guards it with her life, hidden from all. she paints on a smile while her heart dies. memories pain her and faces remind her while all along her heart withers away. she cries alone where no one can see her. she tries to forget, she begs and begs for freedom but it never, NEVER goes away. her fear takes over her life. her thoughts drift to alcohol. oh how she wish to be someone else to just feel different even if only for a night. she needs the pain to stop her thoughts confuse her more than anything. she tells herself what to feel, what to think, how to act...act that's all she can do. her life is one big acting game... that will kill her one day...

im sorry goodbye

i cried when you left me i cried when you confused me i cried for months then i stopped. everyday i thought of you less and less i the sight of you stopped bothering me until now... my heart stopped when i was looking through pics of an old friend and to see you standing in the background almost killed me and idk why. i guess just seeing you with people i don't like just makes me realize that you too have completely moved on and for some reason it hurts. i guess that as mature i tried to be about it i still wanted you to feel some kind of pain i kinda wanted you to hurt as much as i did. but i have to say I'm sorry i know i must have done something wrong and it took me a while but i think i figured it out. I'm sorry i put more stress on you then you needed I'm sorry i dumped all my emotions on you. I'm learning to not do that. i keep my emotions to myself for the most part. i try and act happier then i am cause the more i do that the happier i start to feel. i don't miss you i just miss the way you made me feel. and i know its more lust then love but i do miss feeling that way. i want you to do me a favor tho i want you to never lie to a girl about being friends. it really does hurt please don't do it. i hope that one day we can maybe be at the point that we can actually say hi to each other but if not that's fine. i just wanted to say goodbye in a mature way this time. i hope you learn from your past as i did and good luck in life.