A fear of the mind

i feel like I've been cut off. like I've been pushed away from everyone. both groups of friends i have have fallen apart one group no one talks to each other anymore and the other one no one can put 2 nice words together about each other. i feel so alone i spend most of my time alone. but the more i think about it its my fault i have pulled myself away from everyone. I'm becoming the person i feared becoming 5 months ago. i didn't want to be the person i was when i was younger yet here i am sitting home alone on a Saturday. i have locked myself away from everyone and i lost the key. i fear my emotions i really do i have 3 main emotions now pissed depressed and numb that's it. I'm afraid to think to much i fear what i might find. every time i start thinking i have to stop and put my mind on something else. my only vice is thinking about getting in shape. i finally got my friend to promise to run with me and i don't mind doing crunches at home. maybe soon I'll start to feel better maybe something will pull me out of own head.but who knows i sure as hell don't