lonely?... yupp

i was making the list for my sweet 16 when i realized something horribly sad. i have no friends. and i mean that too I'm not just joking i really don't have any friends and the few i do have i pulled myself so far away from idk if i can ever make it back. I've lost everything (friends wise) once the summer came around i lost 6 friends. 6! i still see them most i still say hi to but that's it 6 really close friends gone. and the other 5 i have cant say one nice word about each other. in the past year i don't think I've heard any of them say one nice thing about someone when they weren't in the room. and i cant sit here and say I'm perfect I'm not i did it too but when the person came back i didn't sit there and act as if i was there best friend. if i have a problem you know i have a problem. but now my problem isn't with the friends i have its with the friends i don't. i look at pictures of people i know but don't really hangout with and i see them with their friends and it just reminds me of how lonely i am. my friends all have fall back friends...i don't. if i lose the 5 of them that's it i will have absolutely no friends... no one. and it doesn't help that i lost my ability to trust. i stopped telling people how i feel i just leave it bottled up and how it dies but it doesn't i do. and the simple thing to do would be to tell someone right? wrong! i did that and you know what i got in return? i got dumped! i finally trust someone and they let me down. i cant stand if that happened again so id just much rather keep it where no one can find it. its sad when i have to put people on my sweet 16 list that i don't even talk to that much its SAD i have no friends and why not? cause I'm a bad friend. i know i am there is no denying it. I'm never there when they need me and even if i was i lost all capability to connect with my friends. i don't understand whats wrong with me i really don't but i know that there's something that can be fixed in me and I'll just have to live with that. whatever it is what it is. good bye...