i had to put this back up. I don't know why but i just missed writing things out. i know that some people got screwed because of this but it helped me understand what not to put on the blog. i have to say I've been pretty happy lately. i still think of him and its hard to think of him talking to other girls but whatever I'll get over that. i wake up every morning and instead of feeling like i want to cry i smile and i say I'm going to be OK today. there are times i think of every we used to have and my heart feels heavy but i pick my head close my eyes and take a breath. life moves on and i do too. i can't keep my feet planted in the ground. i have to pick them up and start walking. one foot in front of the other. day by day. i will get better. i still hold that small part of hope i have but i slowly let go of more and more as the days pass. the last time we all hung out as a group was fine it wasn't awkward at all. there was times when he was laughing and sitting with my friends and i had to remind myself hes not mine anymore. god the music I'm listening to right now isn't helping me if just makes me want to cry. sorry that was random anyway as i was saying i had a good time till he brought up something i had said a long time ago about a name i had liked. well he took it upon him self to tear me apart about it and everyone, unknowing as to how much it hurt me, joined in on the fun. i acted as if it didn't bother me as much as it really did. but whatever i have to remember he is his own person and its every man for himself right? oh well i will smile and hold my head high and when i don't feel like smiling i will paint one on and pretend anyway.
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