and again the roller coaster heads down hill. why? like honestly why? i was so happy but being so close to where he lives hurts and when i saw him today he didn't even look at me! he didn't even fucking look at me! he hurts me and he cant look at me! what the fuck is wrong with him! i didn't do anything to him i did nothing wrong but yet he refuses to acknowledge my existence. why? just fucking why!? i think a week far away will help me plus I'm not going to see any of the guys once my friends go to camp cause why the hell would they want tot invite me anywhere. so maybe a whole summer away will help but what about when school starts? when i see him in the hall way what then? will every feeling i ever had come rushing back? cause i don't think i can handle that anymore i really don't it hurts too much and i don't want to hurt anymore i want it all to stop! just please someone reach into my life and fix me! please! there's nothing i can do anymore nothing! i need help i cant do it on my own i just cant! his face haunts me all the time i cant forget it no matter how hard i try. and trust me i try. our group of friends is falling apart and the only ones holding on are the two that recently broke each other. they are the only ones trying to make anything work i did my part and got shit in return I've waited for him to do his part but he doesn't. Dara was right to be concerned about us everyone told her to stop we will always be there but look she was right we fell apart. i made Dara and Liza promise that we have to stay friends i cant lose them and the guys in one year. i want to go back way back back before i met everyone back to like 2nd grade where nothing matter and boys had coddies. i miss that. i miss the simple time when no one cared about what you were wearing or who you were sitting next to. all that mattered was have fun. i want that back so bad i need to have that back.
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