with life comes love, pain, and lessons

all day today I've been kinda bummed out. i was thinking of him all day but not in the same way i usually do. i think i just realized that I'm over him as a person but I'm not yet over the relationship we had. i think now instead of missing him i miss talking to someone. i miss having someone listen to me ramble then at the end of my story i miss someone showing me support. i miss having someone tell me they love me. i miss someone just holding me. i think that's why on Monday i let everything kinda just happen because i miss that. but i realized that i don't need him per say to give that to me there are other people that can do the same thing. for a long time i thought all i wanted was to have him back but i think it was more i wanted our relationship back like just the things we could do together the things i could tell him just having him there. i realize that there will be someone that can do the same things for me. there will be someone that can make me laugh and make me feel good. and i think for the first time i don't regret a thing. if i had to live the past 6 months of my life again i would do everything the same way. all the things i have been through have made me the person i am... or at least it will shape who i will be (cause i don't want to be bummed out forever haha) i think that even though i have been sad then pissed then sad then happy then pissed then OK then sad to eventually where i am now where i understand everything that going on i think that its just the proses of getting through stuff like this. i think as long as i keep myself busy and just focus on other people in my life I'm sure i will get over this completely i mean think about it its high school this is what high school is all about these are the four year that shape peoples lives its where lessons are learned and mistakes are made. and we all make mistakes and i know I've made ones i cant take back and that i will see for a long time but you know what its OK because i learned from my mistake and I'm OK with living with it. i think i finally got my life back i can now live my life my way instead of years of pleasing other people. my friends should love me for who i am not who I'm trying to be. i got my life back and i learned so much along the way :)