i hate this never ending roller coaster. happy, sad, happy, sad, happy, sad, happy, sad when the fuck will it end! and one of my friends isn't making me feel any better "i miss him i miss him" ya well that's life honey get ever it i had to and i didn't fucking complain about it. fine think it if you want to say it if someone asks but other then that shut up! you would have died if you went through half of what i did so don't even start with me. i want to move on but i want to go back i want to cry i want to stay strong. i want someone to hold me and tell me for once my life will get better that i will be OK. but there's no one out there that can make me feel better its not possible to reach into someones heart and pull out their pain. i wish it was but its not. i cant deal anymore there is nothing i can do moving on hurts looking back hurts staying still hurts. i just don't know what to do anymore. i used to want him to text me and say hey or something but now that i think of it he has the right idea. i think i wanted him to text me because i was still holding on to him still wanted him but now i think i know why he doesn't text me. i think he wants me to let go and i think he knows that him not being in my life all the time will make it easier. and i see that now cause i thought of it as if i saw that he texted me i would get all excited and my heart would jump out of my chest and then i thought.... wait a minute that would give me false hope that he still likes me. and i see it now and I'm OK with it now. eventually i will get to the point where i can text him and he will (hopefully) text me back and have it be a normal conversation and maybe that will take both of us time.
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