fuck everything!

why just fucking why! it took so long and i was finally happy but then i just start remembering things and it hurts so bad! i thought i was over it but the closer i get to happy the further a way it seems. one small little thought sends me straight down hill and i don't mean sliding down hill i mean falling at top speed till i hit rock bottom and all i want to do is cry but i so sick and tired of it! i was finally happy finally happy but now its all starting all over again. the same thing the same pain i need it to stop all of it! i need it! even with my new interest the one that actually makes me happy the one that when I'm around him i smile and its not fake but then that just reminds me of how i felt at the begging of my last relationship and then i hurt again. its a never ending cycle that is going to kill me one day. i thought that the pain would stop but if I'm on facebook and i see that hes talking to someone else it hurts so much i have to log out. i don't want to feel like that but i have no choice a person cant pick how they feel i don't want to feel that way it kills me. i want him to be able to have a life just like desperately want one. it just hurts and i know that when school starts everything will hurt so much more. if i see him in the hall with someone i know for a fact it will kill me but i have to try and stay strong that's all i can do i will fail but i have to try.